I didn't really know what to put for a title, since so much has occurred. Where can I really start is the question.

I'll start from after I got back from England in July. That was harsh, since I was so strung up about wanting to stay that I was completely oblivious toward showing my true emotions. Now that I look back upon that, there were so many mistakes that I made. I pretended like I knew what I was doing and like I knew how to react and act in the country. I shouldn't have done that. But now, it's too late for that kind of apology. These mistakes I'm learning from since it lead to dismay at the end of August. So yeah, most people can probably get the idea that I'm leaning towards. I don't want to push on it so much since...well...yeah, I'm emotionally scarred. Not so much that I would go back to the loner lifestyle I played as sophomore and some of junior year in high school...but only to the point that it would always be something on my mind. Some of the people that I talked to in my university told me that I was left off on a really hard note, so to speak. Spending nearly two years with someone and you have a deep emotional connection with the person and then they say that they don't care about you as much. I guess I can make the comparison to the bombing of Hiroshima during WW2, where it occurs with so much emotion and fear, that the next day the person that did it comes up to you and apologizes without having any split seconds to think about their feelings. What I'm trying to say...it was harsh on how our relationship ended. I was just in complete shock the day that I was told, that I wanted to respond with my full emotions, which was lots of tears and sadness...but there was a part of me that didn't want her to feel worse about what she had to say. Although, she had told me that her feelings had changed and that I shouldn't dwell on it so much...I just can't shake the feeling that it was mostly my fault. I know that I was too serious and didn't show my cute side (yes, guys have a cute side), but I believe that was because of my transition from high school to college. Another thing is my sense of humor being so terrible. I pretended to laugh to their jokes when I should have just kept my mouth shut. I know there are more reasons toward what I did wrong...but, as her mother had told me some reasons toward why our relationship would end like this and it being my first relationship; I can't let it hold me down like all the other set-backs I had. So yeah...I've had some rough few weeks lately. As long as I don't put too much thought into it, I won't be spending most of my day isolating myself in my room (at least, I'll try not to).
Now for alittle positive on that trip. Best 3 weeks of my life so far. I'm sorry to say this, but the U.S. is a lazy cow. The country says they'll do things and ends up never doing them until it's too late. Example...cleaner environment. I live in Chicago and I can just make an average estimate that this city is about 35% clean. What I mean by that is pointed toward recycling. I remember when they started to put out those bins for recycling glass, paper, aluminum, plastic, etc. You hardly see people actually dispose those materials here, yet when I was there in England (U.K., take your pick toward how you want to address the country); I have to admit it was beautiful and well-kept. Unlike most people that are stereotyped as tourists with cameras and constant enthusiasm, I was just more laid-back with it all. Since it was mostly rural, I kinda felt like I was in Wisconsin there. It was calm, peaceful, and literally took all the stress off my shoulders. I would like to go back sometime, for another visit...or...take the chance and become a citizen. But yeah...while I was there, I was asked so many times how I'm enjoying or what I like. I didn't want to say then, since it would have been pointless to have answered. But now I can. It was new, interesting, and all out fun. I had a great experience and made some connections outside of the U.S. that I can keep with for future reference.

Okay. Onward to life itself...yeah...it's college. I have mapped out the rest of my courses with 8 remaining as prerequisites, my core course in gaming (which is 15 courses) and two others that occur in the mix...I should be done by at least April 2011 the latest; if everything goes according to plan. It means that next semester I'm taking 6 courses instead of the normal 4. If the Olympics end up here in Chicago, I want to be out of here at least a year before the event. But yeah, I'm not really interested in talking about my college life, since there isn't much to talk about. My college is a career university and there is very little people of my age and similar interests.

Other than that, what else can I say? Well, for starters, why I haven't been on DA or posting? Simple, homework. Each class (course) has their own rules and settings and adjusting to them takes about 2 weeks. So yeah, deviations in the box, journals mostly to look at and all; and soon to be mines for everyone that watches me. As for posting, I have been thinking about trying drawing since I'm only really good at landscape rather than character. It would probably be mostly designing flashes for ideas, for now. I'll stick with writing. But lately, school and life have been a drag. I'm getting pushed to get my license to drive (yes, I still don't have it) and to get a job. So yeah, it won't be long before I'm considered a normal employed citizen (but, living at home with parents while i go to school). I really need to catch up on alot of things...so yeah.

Other good reason I come here...I'm lonely. Yeah...and it's worse than before.


Well...i think I covered almost everything that I wanted to mention. Other than that, I feel alittle better with most of that off my mind (even though it will be back tomorrow...) _{I'm also getting views when I haven't done anything...weird...I'll check that later. Now I have homework, tests, and a project to do.}